So many things I don't know or understand. I'm getting better about being okay with that. I love learning actually, but for most of my life I've struggled with an inner voice telling me I'm supposed to already know things I haven't learned yet. I've heard that's typical for ACOA's, but it's still haunted me.
At 54, I'm better about this particular craziness. I still struggle with the "why did that happen?" and "what if?" games. Mostly, I experience this during moments of solitude when painful memories pop into my mind (i.e. hurtful things that others have done that made no sense to me at the time, hurt a lot, and still don't make sense to me).
I'm beginning to see a grace in "not knowing" but I can't articulate it yet.
I can spin myself in circles with my desire/need to 'know'. Read a little snippet the other day that hinted at 'needing to know' may indicate a lack of trust in God. Didn't and still don't really see it that way but it was food for thought, for sure.
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