...stocking shelves, buffing floors...

This morning, an old friend - whom I know to be devoted to the habit of daily prayer, with others - came through the store early in the morning as I rumbled by with the propane-powered floor buffer. Intent on continuing the pattern I had already created on the floor (the way one might when mowing a lawn), I almost didn't stop. But, as I passed him I thought about Brother Lawrence, or Brother Andrew; I wasn't sure, who wrote about practicing the presence of God in everyday life. I remembered stories of Brother Lawrence (it turned out) experiencing God's presence while scrubbing pots and pans in the kitchen.

So, I paused - right hand holding the handle down lest the buffer shut down; left hand to his shoulder as he rose from bending into the yogurt cooler - and said, "A few days a week, while stocking shelves or scrubbing floors, I think about Brother Andrew in the kitchen." He looked puzzled. I said, "Maybe it was Brother Lawrence." He said, "You mean practicing the presence of God?" "Yes," I nodded. He smiled and said, "Bless your heart." I think he really meant it; as opposed to a traditionally Southern expression of sympathy for the foolish.

In his book, The Practice of the Presence of God: The Best Rule of Holy Life, Brother Lawrence (Nicholas Herman, c. 1605-1691), wrote:

That he had always been governed by love, without selfish views; and that having resolved to make the love of GOD the end of all his actions, he had found reasons to be well satisfied with his method. That he was pleased when he could take up a straw from the ground for the love of GOD, seeking Him only, and nothing else, not even His gifts.

That in order to form a habit of conversing with GOD continually, and referring all we do to Him; we must at first apply to Him with some diligence: but that after a little care we should find His love inwardly excite us to it without any difficulty.*

I know those moments; moments when I move two rows of two cans to the front of the shelf, rotating the labels forward for symmetry, beauty, and easy reading, for the love of God, seeking God only, and nothing else. They are more rare than I would hope, but I like those moments very much.

*http://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/13871/pg13871.txt

...some days...

Some days are just longer.

...not knowing...

So many things I don't know or understand. I'm getting better about being okay with that. I love learning actually, but for most of my life I've struggled with an inner voice telling me I'm supposed to already know things I haven't learned yet. I've heard that's typical for ACOA's, but it's still haunted me.

At 54, I'm better about this particular craziness. I still struggle with the "why did that happen?" and "what if?" games. Mostly, I experience this during moments of solitude when painful memories pop into my mind (i.e. hurtful things that others have done that made no sense to me at the time, hurt a lot, and still don't make sense to me).

I'm beginning to see a grace in "not knowing" but I can't articulate it yet.

...celtic wild goose...

We are still learning from our wild geese neighbors.

Kathy found a wonderful sermon by the Revd David J. Clark (20 July 1947 - 13 March 2012), from the Community of St. Luke, Aotearoa, New Zealand, called The Celtic Wild Goose is a Great Symbol of the Holy Spirit...

As we seek new community back in the Charlevoix area, we really resonate with this quote: "The wild goose is one of the most communal of creatures, drawing its life from the flock. God's Spirit is not a spirit of individualism, but of community." It rings true with my decades of reflection about the Trinity as Community.

...grace and mess...

Geese fly into our lives at every season. Every new journey, every migration; so it seems. Or, maybe we just notice them at those times. It's been so consistent, for so many years now, that this last visit got us thinking about what it means. When these geese landed on Hess Lake last week, we did a little research on the symbolism of the goose.

They've always been more important to Kathy than to me. I'm drawn to the wolf. So, in deference to the many "animal totem" sites on the net, I'll just focus on what I see in geese and in this woman whom I know, love, am discovering, and falling in love with. Geese are simultaneously full of grace and mess. Geese, I've learned, mate for life and the flock never leaves a fallen comrade completely alone. At least one other goose (a mate or another) will stay behind even if the larger flock needs to move on. They swim and fly with beauty and grace, but you want to watch your step when you tread where they've been walking. Ancient stories (think Brothers Grimm and before) and contemporary bird watchers equate geese with family, mothering, nurturing, leading, following, supernatural sense of direction, guidance, returning to safe places, quest, journey, loyalty, devotion, and protection. Casual observation reveals a balance of peace, fluid motion, solitude without isolation, raucous noise, clumsy take-offs, and to-the-death protection of little ones. I'm really not sure if Kathy's totem animal is the goose and what all that means. But, my life is bathed in grace and colored by mess that I would avoid (both ignorantly and intentionally) had she not flown into my life 38 years ago. And, we're both such goslings still. Amazing! Off we go.

...more alike than not...

My dear conservative, progressive, in-between, and politically agnostic friends, as we await election results, can we see each other's full humanity and find common ground? I believe we can! We love and are loved. We long to know and be known. We want a hopeful future for our children and our earth. We cherish freedom. We need community. We value hard work, innovation, and creativity. We want our loved ones and our neighbors to have a decent, safe, place to live. We want family and friends to be healthy and get all the care they need when they're not. We want every human being to have access to good education, a life-supporting job, and a voice in their own future. We want the right to disagree. We want every other human being to have the same liberty, freedom, and grace we have received. Don't we?

Today, I voted for the people and policies that I think are most likely to bring our shared hopes and dreams to reality. I trust that you will too. But, that's not the end of the story. When this is all said and done, we still have a say and a responsibility. Some of us will be elated. Some of us will be disappointed. But, all of us can make a difference in holding whoever is elected accountable to work together for the common good. The last four years are a painful lesson, to all of us, in the costly consequences of the politics of obstruction. God help us work together these next four years. God help us to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly these next four years. Otherwise, there are no winners in this election.

Regardless of the outcome, may we remember we are more alike than not. May we find Wallenda level balancing skills that empower us to remain both passionate and civil. May we remember that every human being is created in the image of a loving Creator who has endowed each of us with enough creativity to solve insolvable problems; to love the unlovable; to work together for the common good; and to recognize, honor, and empower the exceptionalism of all of our sisters and brothers in our one and only earth.

...wild birds and a large tub of flour...

An oasis of peace and sanity, for me, in our sometimes chaotic life has been pray as you go by the Irish Jesuits. It's a daily, online, guided prayer that brings new life to ancient Hebrew and Christian sacred texts and, for me, a space for shalom.

The other day, October 30th, the scripture reading was from Luke 13:18-21. I heard, for the first time in these verses, an expansive vision of the kingdom, or realm, of G-d. Here's the text from the New Century Version [modified with inclusive language]:

Then Jesus said, "What is God's kingdom like? What can I compare it with? It is like a mustard seed that [someone] plants in [their] garden. The seed grows and becomes a tree, and the wild birds build nests in its branches." Jesus said again, "What can I compare God's kingdom with? It is like yeast that [someone] took and hid in a large tub of flour until it made all the dough rise."

The guide invited me to think about which image strikes me and why. Which affects you? What do you visualize when you hear these words aloud?

As I listened with a peaceful, open, spirit and mind, the image of wild birds building nests in the branches of this wild tree that grew from a tiny seed - wild birds with names like hindu, buddhist, jewish, muslim, christian, and lesser known birds - flew into my mind with no resulting confusion or fear. I have no need to tame this wild kingdom.

If you have ten minutes, this is worth it. Make sure you have quiet, uninterrupted, space.

PAYG 10/30/2012.mp3